Author: David Hartley

Talking with Your Child About COVID 19

Children are incredible observers of the world around them.  Just because they do not talk about their concerns, do not assume that they are not bothered by the rapidly changing world around them.  There is much that we as parents/caregivers can do to support them during these uncertain times of COVID 19.

  1. Create a safe and loving environment for your children

Minimize social media and television viewing to prevent children from getting saturated with fearful messages. Be cognizant of your conversations with other adults about the pandemic in the presence of your children. You do not want to give them extra reasons to worry.  Be especially patient and understanding with your children.  They may not know how to process their fears and anxieties about what is happening and their behavior may be affected.  Find ways to have fun and convey your love every day. Help children communicate with their friends and other family members so they feel less isolated and maintain outside connections and healthy relationships with others.

  • Be available for conversation

Be open to discussions about COVID 19 with your children.  While you do not need to have answers to all their questions, it is important that you be an “askable” parent. Children need to know they can talk to you 24/7 about anything, including COVID 19.   Start where they are.  In a calm and reassuring way, listen to and address their concerns if you can.  If you do not know the answer, tell them so.  Acknowledge their fears. Be honest and accurate, but not alarmist. Point out what is being done to keep people safe.  Children need to know that efforts are being taken to address this health crisis and you are doing all you can to protect them within your home.  Gauge information to your child’s age and development. As a rule, young children need brief, simple information that reassures them. Don’t provide more detail than is needed.  Be sure to check in with children at the end of each conversation to see if you addressed all of their concerns.

  • Allow your children to take control of things they can

In the wake of uncertainty and a lack of control, give your children opportunities to be in charge and make decisions, i.e. what game you will play, what kind of cookies or craft you will make, etc.  Encourage your children in thoughtful problem solving about ways they can help in this crisis, both in keeping your family safe as well as how to support other community members.  Review and model hand washing, coughing into elbows, safe distancing in public, etc.   Give children responsibility for making signs or reminding you to walk 6 feet apart for example.  

  • Address your own mental health needs first

There is a good reason why we are instructed on airplanes to put on our own air masks before those of our children in the event of an emergency.  We can’t tend to the needs of others, if we are not well ourselves.  Children need safety and stability in these turbulent times.  They need to lean on strong adults.  If your own worries and concerns are consuming you, reach out to get the support you need for yourself. Do what you need to do to care for yourself.  Do not take on challenging conversations about COVID 19 with your children if you are not up to the task.  Solicit the help of another caring adult your children trust to provide the emotional support they require. 

For more tips about parenting in the wake of COVID 19, check out these resources:

Child Mind Institute

National Association of School Psychologists

American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry

Sesame Street

Zero to Three

Quiet time with (for) grandparents

Recharging needn’t be boring or separate

Let’s face it: grandkids of almost any age seem to have limitless energy, compared to their grandparents (not to seem ageist). They keep us on the move.

Sometimes we need them to slow down a bit. And, the truth is, so do they. The smart folks at Sesame Street suggest some non-boring, engaging ways to encourage and enjoy calm moments:

  • Let your grandchild pick out a book and find a comfortable spot to snuggle together. Encourage your grandchild to read (or “read” the pictures) to you. You might also ask your grandchild to tell a favorite story. With a little luck, story time might lead to a little nap, too!
  • Puzzles or board games are always fun. Recharge with a healthy snack or drink.
  • Coloring or drawing together, some creative, quiet moments.
  • If you’re tired, invite your grandchild to play nearby. Explain that you’re going to take a short coffee break and that when the cup is empty, it will be “together playtime” again.
  • Quiet time outdoors? It’s possible! Try blowing bubbles for your grandchild to pop, or give him some outdoor chalk.

Quiet time may not always last long, but even a few moments of down time can help you both recharge for the day’s next adventure.

7 ways to communicate with your caregiver

Sesame Street offers insight about the parent-caregiver relationship

Sesame Street may be one of your child’s favorite caregivers, but they are hardly the flesh and blood person who takes care of your loved one when you aren’t available. Whether a relative like a sister or grandparent, Sesame Street points out, parent and caretaker are a childcare “team” that works best with great communication.

Sesame Street offers 7 tips to make these conversations easier. Here are the abbreviated versions. Visit the Sesame Street site for the entire post (and other wonderful advice).

  1. Little ones listen. Choose a time and place where you can talk alone, away from a child’s ears.
  2. Be aware of your feelings. Have difficult conversations when you’re calm.
  3. Share the positive. Don’t just have negative conversations; share regularly when things are going well.
  4. Take your time. Leave enough time to talk.
  5. Create a judgment-free zone. Accept that parents and caregivers may have different approaches that are equally valid.
  6. Use examples. Don’t make broad complaints; be specific.
  7. Brainstorm solutions. Work together for solutions; don’t just inflict your own.

Surprising reasons why some kids don’t exercise

Too much stress, an introverted personality, just doesn’t like sports

We might think kids who don’t get out and play or exercise are just lazy or are too caught up in their TVs, phones, or electronics.

But, says Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta, there can be other, more compelling reasons for some kids. Like stress, fear of embarrassment, and personality type.

Stressed-out children often feel tired and withdrawn, says Kathleen Hill, licensed therapist at Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta Strong4Life. “We’re seeing a definite increase in kids dealing with chronic stress, anxiety and depression,” she says. “As adults we know those things affect our mood and our decisions to have fun and be active and playful.”

She continues, noting that certain personality types tend to be less active. Children who are shy and introverted often don’t feel comfortable running outside to play with the neighborhood kids, for example. A child who has been bullied will feel even less comfortable.

And of course, some kids simply aren’t into sports or outdoor play.

The good news? Here are some creative ways you can help.

  • Choose your child’s favorite book and do a themed scavenger hunt. A Harry Potter lover might hunt for an owl or a broom on someone’s porch.
  • Take the dog for a walk. If you don’t have a dog, consider volunteering to walk dogs at a local Humane Society.
  • Get creative with sidewalk chalk.
  • Cue up your favorite music and dance.
  • Talk to your child about ways s/he may enjoy being active; save the list when s/he needs ideas.

Visit Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta for the whole story, and lots of other resources.

5 rules for having difficult conversations with young children

It’s important to know the deeper answers they need

Your kids, or children with whom you’re close, can stop you in your tracks with questions you didn’t expect, NPR (National Public Radio) warns you.

Like:

I know she died, but when is Grandma coming back?

Why is your skin darker than Mommy’s?

Why do we live here but Daddy doesn’t?

Are you the tooth fairy?

You make a mistake thinking you can just blithely answer the questions. There are thoughtful, meaningful, and satisfying (to them) ways and, well, there aren’t.

NPR offers five strategies and lots of resources. In short (visit the entire story on its website), they are:

1. When you get a tough question, listen for what the child is really asking.

Don’t rush to answer. Pause and ask for clarification. This does a few things. First, it buys you time to choose your words carefully. It also stops you from answering the wrong question.

2. Give them facts, but at a pace they can manage.

Whether you’re breaking news about the death of a loved one, a job loss or a serious illness, it’s important to understand that children process information a bit at a time. That means you should be prepared to revisit the topic, perhaps many times.

A hospice worker who specialized in talking with children about death gave Truglio this advice: Children take in information the same way they eat an apple. Instead of crunching through the whole fruit in one sitting, they nibble, take breaks, then circle back.

3. “That’s a great question. Let’s find out more together.”

This is a good response to have up your sleeve for complex issues: science, history, race, gender, politics, scary incidents in the news or any time a question catches you off guard.

“We can say, ‘Let’s explore this together, because that question is really a big one,’ ” says Jeanette Betancourt, senior vice president for U.S. social impact at Sesame Workshop. ” ‘Let’s go to the library and let’s look at some books. Let’s search for maybe some films or movies or get recommendations from our teachers or librarians.’ Because not everything has to be in the moment.”

This approach gets you off the hook — so you don’t feel like you’re making something up that you might regret later. “We often feel that, as parents, we always have to have the answer in the moment,” says Betancourt. “And the thing is, we don’t. And that’s OK. We’re still good parents.”

4. Reassure them that they are safe and loved.

Often when kids grapple with a scary or uncertain subject, their questions will have one fundamental motivation: What’s going to happen to me? Will I be safe? Will I be taken care of? Those are the questions you need to answer, even if they aren’t being asked explicitly.

5. Take care of yourself, and don’t be afraid to share your emotions.

We adults need to have our own support system — and time — when we deal with hard things. “Without taking care of ourselves, it’s very difficult to help our children,” says Betancourt.

But that doesn’t mean we grown-ups have to “wall ourselves off in our grief” or other feelings, Truglio says. Her mother died several years ago, and she says she still experiences moments of grief. Recently, she says, she cried in front of her son and didn’t hesitate to explain, “I’m sad because I miss Grandma.”

“BlueAngel” grants $35,000 to extend HBHM’s 5-2-1-0 anti-obesity effort

Among $218,000 in prestigious Blue Cross & Blue Shield community grants made this year

In its recent round of prestigious  BlueAngel Community Health Grants (BACHG), Blue Cross & Blue Shield of Rhode Island (BCBSRI) granted $35,000 to Healthy Bodies, Healthy Minds to continue our 5-2-1-0 Childhood Obesity Prevention efforts.

“Thanks to BlueAngel support,” we should reach more than 6,000 children attending 16 early care and education sites and 21 elementary schools across South County,” notes Susan Orban, Healthy Bodies, Healthy Minds Director.

Cindy Buxton, the project’s coordinator, “5-2-1-0 is a simple equation for a healthy lifestyle that helps children reach and keep an appropriate weight. 5-2-1-0 stands for enjoying each day with:

  • 5 servings of fruits and vegetables
  • 2 hours or fewer of recreational screen time (TV, computer, video games or smartphones)
  • 1 hour of physical activity, and
  • 0 sugary drinks.”

The grant to HBHM was among $218,000 in BACHG funding for 2019. Since the BlueAngel Community Health Grants began in 2002, BCBSRI has donated more than $3.8 million to local nonprofits. For the past five years, BACHG funding has focused on Rhode Island organizations promoting good nutrition, physical activity and healthy weight for children and their families.

 

Chariho Youth Task Force launches “positive body image” campaign

Poor body self-image can lead to failing academics, trouble concentrating, and a loss of confidence.

Every Body is Beautiful, the Chariho Youth Task Force is emphasizing in its latest campaign, to encourage young people to love their bodies. 

“This campaign is the result of having an open and accepting place for young people to speak up about what they think we should work on,” Executive Director Dan Fitzgerald told the Westerly Sun in December. “Body image is something that impacts every part of every day. We’re here to help change the culture of how we talk and think about our bodies.” 

“Members of the Chariho Youth Task Force were in the school late Tuesday evening prepping for this launch,” he said. “We put ‘Every Body is Beautiful’ stickers on every mirror in the building as well as a poster with behavior-change strategies to a more body-positive life throughout the building. “

“With the support and approval of the [Chariho High School] administration, we came in and put our ‘Every Body is Beautiful’ stickers on all the mirrors in the building,” Task Force Member Ryann Clarke noted. Members also created posters, made public announcements, and invited students to join the campaign.

The Sun article refers to the nonprofit International OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) Foundation and its findings on body dysmorphic disorder (BDD).

“Studies have shown that BDD in teens and young adults leads to significant worsening of their academics, because of their body concerns,” the foundation states. “This can include failing tests, missing school and having trouble concentrating in class.”

As Clarke explained to the Sun, “This campaign is so important because our culture teaches youth and adults, men and women, people of all ages and backgrounds, to degrade our bodies,” she said. “It’s important to our health and wellness to stop and appreciate them for what they allow us to do.”

The campaign’s next milestone takes place on Feb. 8 with a fashion show at Chariho.

Food insecurity grows in RI as prices rise

Despite a strong economy, more Rhode Islanders are worried about food than they were 10 years ago.

Rhode Island’s economy is doing well, but one in 8 Rhode Islanders are still nervous about having enough food on the table, according to the Rhode Island Food Bank’s 2018 Status Report on Hunger. The Food Bank released the report in November.

“The R.I. economy is thriving, unemployment is at 3.8 percent, which is remarkably low, and wages are beginning to grow, and that’s all good,” Food Bank CEO Andrew Schiff told the Providence Journal. “But wages have not kept up with the real cost of living in terms of housing and energy and food.”

Among them are more than 36,000 households receiving SNAP benefits. The households represent 55,000 Rhode Islanders, mostly children.

The report notes that food prices – partly driven by gas costs – rose significantly for low-income families over the past three years.

The Providence Journal explained that Food Bank workers identified 71 items that a family of four would need for one week. Over three summers, the costs of those products increased 15 percent. Wages, on the other hand, had increased only 5 percent during the same period.

Some proof of the problem may be seen in the Food Bank’s growing service. Over the past 10 years, its member agencies went from serving an average 37,000 people every month to 53,000, the ProJo noted.

Trump food tariffs may worsen the situation, but a newly-elected Democratic House majority may avert previously proposed cuts in SNAP and other agricultural programs.

Asked & Answered: 5 questions from the Providence Business News about Zero Suicide

Zero Suicide seeks to make taking one’s life a “never event” in South County.

The Providence Business News used its popular “5 Questions…” column to ask Healthy Bodies, Healthy Minds Director Susan Orban to explain our new Zero Suicide effort.

SAMHSA (the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration) granted Healthy Bodies, Healthy Minds $2 million over the next 5 years for a comprehensive effort to eliminate suicides in South County, which has the state’s highest suicide rate.

According to Orban, the focus will be on training key health care staff to identify and work with people with depression, and to offer mental health care to those who cannot afford it.